


you're kind of special

by earpslgbt



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Homophobic Language, catholic stuff kind of??, highschool au kind of, i dont know what this is, kinda sad, nicoles hopelessly in love, waverlys insecure rip me too sis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earpslgbt/pseuds/earpslgbt
Summary: “I’m so stupid,” Waverly begins again, brushing away an angry tear. Nicole shakes her head, and scoots closer, resting her head atop Waverlys.“You’re not,” she says adamantly, “he’s the stupid one.”orthe one where teenage Nicole is hopelessly in love with a girl who's not ready to be loved just yet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi my babies!
> 
> ok so the tea is i have no clue what this is, or where it came from in my brain. i just whacked this out in one sitting at 12am because a tiny bit of the dialogue came into my head as i was trying to sleep.
> 
> i knoooooow i have another fic on the go, and i swear one day soon i will pick that up, please dont give up on me just yet!!!
> 
> writing has been hard recently because of the whole wynonna sitch but ya gotta have faith, right? 
> 
>  
> 
> anyway. i hope you like this kind of. have a good day, be nice humans and #fightforwynonna <3
> 
>  
> 
> if u wanna cry with me at any point follow my twitter @earpslgbt

“He’s a jerk, and I hate him.” 

Nicole nods, picking at a loose thread on her jeans, like this is new information to her. She’s known Champ’s a jerk since 6th grade, when he called her an idiot for saying she didn’t like it when he tried to play kiss chase with Waverly when she clearly didn’t want him to. 

She’s known Champ’s a jerk longer than she’s known about her crush on Waverly. She thought he was a jerk even before she thought about how pretty Waverly was when she smiled, or how cute she thought the sprinkle of freckles under Waverly’s eyes were. She thought Champ was a jerk, especially when he turned up to school one day with his arm around Waverly’s waist, gripping possessively as she planted a kiss on his cheek. 

She remembers her heart physically sinking into her stomach that day, and she remembers blinking back tears as she watched him kiss Waverly goodbye before sauntering off to his first period lesson. She’d known, of course she had. Waverly had been texting her the night before going crazy about how ‘Champ said this!’ and ‘Champ’s so cute!’ and ‘He asked me out!’ Nicole remembers staring at her phone, blinking in the dark a few times before a tear splatters down her face. She remembers feeling stupid, and dirty and hopeless for having this crush on her best friend, who so very obviously could never love her like that. 

Waverly had never had any idea though, because Nicole - ever the dutiful friend - nodded, and laughed and smiled whilst Waverly had gushed about Champ and how great he was. She had comforted, and listened and advised when he started being not so great too. She ached to just slap the boy, tell Waverly how much better she could do; but Waverly liked him, and Nicole liked her and she would never ruin something that Waverly so obviously wanted. 

“How could I not have seen he was cheating on me?” Waverly’s broken whisper cuts through the air, the cool night breeze brushing her hair gently into her face. Nicole sighs, and adjusts her position on the hood of her truck, sitting on her hands to stop herself from grabbing Waverly’s. They’re watching the stars on the hood of Nicole’s beat up old truck, a blanket wrapped around Waverly and the night laid out before them. It was almost romantic, had Waverly not been crying, and completely not interested in Nicole that way. The way she leans her head on Nicole’s shoulder sends a shiver down her spine, and she plays it off as the wind, and stares straight out across the hillside, at the sleepy town of Purgatory. 

“I’m so stupid,” Waverly begins again, brushing away an angry tear. Nicole shakes her head, and scoots closer, resting her head atop Waverly’s.

“You’re not,” she says adamantly, “he’s the stupid one.” 

She feels Waverly chuckle, and closes her eyes. Maybe if she keeps them closed, then she can pretend that Waverly isn’t crying over her ex boyfriend, and that Waverly is hers. She tries not to think about the fact that her best friend is in pain because of this boy, because she knows she’d have to hold herself back from going to his house and giving him a piece of her mind. She knows that’s not what Waverly needs right now, she just need her best friend. Nicole tries to ignore why those words cause a twist in her stomach, as if it’s not all she thinks about already. 

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” Waverly sighs beneath her, and Nicole’s heart plummets. The thought of Waverly leaving makes her feel sick, but she says nothing, nodding and offering a small sound of agreement, “this town is suffocating, Nicole. It makes people into something they’re not. The only reason I dated Champ was because, well, what else is there? He’s the jock, I’m head cheerleader, it’s just what this town expects, you know?”

Nicole sighs, she knows all about this town and it’s expectations. She knows people expect her to be alone for the rest of her life; she knows people expected that Waverly would just marry Champ and have a few kids and stay here forever, a sad little housewife. She also knows that none of that is true. She knows that she’s going to kick this town's expectations to the curb, and she’s sure Waverly will too. She’s positive. 

“Maybe one day, we can get out of here together, huh?” Nicole feels Waverly nod beneath her, as her own heart thumps. 

“I’d like that. We could move to - I don’t know - Toronto? Calgary? Somewhere big, and cool. You could be a cop, and I could get a teaching degree. We could have a nice little flat together, and-” Waverly stops herself, and Nicole feels her take a breath, shrugging.

“I don’t care, as long as i’m out of here, and with you, anywhere sounds perfect.”

Waverly nods, her smile growing and her tears drying on her face. Nicole can feel her heart pounding, as if she’s said something wrong. She’s too close to Waverly, who has sat up, and turned her head to face Nicole. She can smell her strawberry perfume, and pretty much count the freckles on her cheeks and Nicole can’t help but feel a little stupid. As if someone like Waverly could ever want someone like her, she thinks. But Waverly’s staring at her, eyes shiny and round, with a small, sad smile on her face, and Nicole can’t help but hope. 

“I don’t know what to do now, though,” Waverly admits softly, “all my friends will back Champ. I’ll have nobody left,”

“you’ll have me,” Nicole shrugs, half heartedly, as if herself isn’t a good enough replacement. She worries, in the back of her mind, that Waverly will think that too; that she’s not quite enough. Still, she can’t help herself from continuing, “you’ll always have me, Wave. As long as you want me, I will be by your side.” 

It sounds too much like a proposal in Nicole’s head, and she cringes internally as the words fall out of her mouth, wishing she could somehow take them back. But Waverly’s smile widens and she laughs, shaking her head softly, pushing at Nicole’s shoulder with her own.

“You’re too good to me, Nicole. Far better than Champ ever was,” Nicole sees the way the brunette folds into herself as she speaks, as if questioning why those words just came out of her mouth, “You really are the best of this shitty town.” Waverly finishes, and Nicole feels her heart soar, but she shakes her head, chuckling gently at the younger girl.

“No way, that’s all you. Besides, Champ was an asshole, anybody would be lucky to have you. There are so many people out there that will treat you right, Waves.” 

Like me, Nicole thinks, but her mouth stays closed. 

“Oh yeah? I don’t think I’ll have many people lining up to date an Earp.” Waverly laughs, but Nicole hears the sadness behind it. She wants to yell, to scream that she’s right there, but she doesn’t think it would matter all that much to Waverly. She’s not some fit, handsome boy that can sweep her off of her feet, and give her everything she’s ever wanted. She’s just Nicole, and she worries that might not ever be enough for anyone. 

“uh, I’m pretty sure Perry Crofte has had a crush on you forever. He’d tooooootally be first in line.” Nicole jokes, and Waverly punches her arm gently, giggling to herself. She pretends not to notice Nicole’s smile drop when she thinks she isn’t looking. I’d be first in line, Nicole thinks, putting the smile back on her face, because god forbid she ever ruin what she has with Waverly by letting these stupid feelings get in the way. 

“Really? Perry would be first in line?” 

The way Waverly says it makes Nicole’s stomach drop. The way her lips fold around Perry’s name, as if she knows exactly what Nicole is thinking. Nicole swears the brunette has shifted closer yet, but she shakes her head gently. Wishful thinking, Haught. 

“Yeah, completely. There’s a reason he’s failing history and needs a tutor, Wave.” The laughter that Nicole forces sounds strangled, as she stares out across the hill again, never looking at Waverly in case her eyes give something away. She notes that Waverly isn’t laughing; that Waverly hasn’t said anything for a good ten seconds and force of habit brings her gaze to the younger girl beside her. 

Waverly has got closer, she realises, and inhales sharply. She’s so close that Nicole could probably count her eyelashes if she tried. Not that she would. She’s not that weird. But she can’t help the way her eyes flicker down to Waverly’s lips, just for a second, but enough to be noticed.

“Nicole,” Waverly begins, her voice soft and airy, her eyes searching Nicole’s, “I don’t think Perry would be the first in line.” she shakes her head gently, and Nicole swears Waverly’s eyes flutter down to her lips. 

“No?” She croaks, her voice cracking and tense. It feels like she can’t breathe with Waverly this close, with Waverly looking at her the way she’s looking at her. She doesn’t deserve to be looked at like that, not by Waverly. Not by this girl who is so pure and gentle, and Nicole is sure she’d fuck it all up if she ever did get the chance to love this girl the way she wants to. 

“No. I think we both know who would be,” Waverly whispers, and Nicole’s breath catches in her throat. 

There’s no way.

“Who?” She asks, feigning innocence, a dumb look across her face as she pretends that her heart isn’t about to jump straight out of her chest.

“Come on, Nic. I’m not stupid, and neither are you.”

Nicole’s chest closes up, and she can’t breathe. Waverly is closer than close now, her hair is almost tickling Nicole’s face and her hands itch to reach out and tuck it gently behind her ears.

“I- I don’t know what you mean, Wave.” 

There’s a pause as Waverly breaks eye contact, looking down and letting out a low, watery chuckle.

“Yes, you do. I’ve seen the way you look at me, Nicole.”

“Oh.” 

“I like you, Nic. I think, deep down, I always have. I just- I don’t think i’m ready to be loved the way you want to love me. I’m just- I’m really not all that.”

Nicole feels her heart drop into her stomach. She remembers having this conversation with Waverly just before Champ asked her out; splayed out across her double bed, hands intertwined for no reason other than it felt nice to have someone to hold onto. She remembers the way Waverly’s nose had crinkled as she said, “I just don’t think I’m special enough for someone to really fall for, you know?” she remembers she had wanted to give Waverly a list of everything that was special about her, so she’d never doubt herself again. After all, she had that very list, stuffed under her mattress since 7th grade with the title - all in glitter gel pen - what makes waverly the most special person ever. 

Nicole’s so deep in her thoughts that she only vaguely hears Waverly tell her that she’s sorry. She only party feels her hand slip from the bend of her knee, as she gets up. She tries to grab her hand, and pull her back; to tell her she’s the most special person ever, and Nicole’s always thought so. She wants to yell that even if Waverly doesn’t think she’s worth being loved, Nicole knows that’s not true. She wants to scream, cry, tell her she loves her for god sake.

But her words stay mute, and she watches silently as Waverly walks up the open path that leads to the homestead, her cardigan wrapped tightly around her small frame. 

She swears, one day, she’ll give Waverly that list. 

One day, she’ll love Waverly the way she deserves to be loved,

And one day, 

Waverly might just love her back.


	2. whispering the same prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole had never believed in God. She’d never believed in anything even remotely spiritual, at least, until she met Waverly. She kind of started believing in angels the minute she met Waverly.
> 
>  
> 
> or, the chapter where Nicole's parents get involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi babies. so some of you said you wanted more chapters which i already had in mind sooooooo here we go!  
> This is short, im sorry, but exams have been kicking my butt. this chapter will continue into the next nd im v sorry for the lil cliffhanger. 
> 
> i love u all thank u for ur cute comments on my last chapter and in general all my fics too!!  
> if u want to know what im up to more regularly and see me crying over miss dominique follow my twitter @earpslgbt.
> 
> so, remember: have a good day, be nice humans and #fightforwynonna <3

Nicole doesn’t go out. She doesn’t drink, or smoke. She’s - in hindsight - a good kid. So she’s not sure how she finds herself out late, drinking her feelings away with Shae, a girl she knows from biology class. She’s out, drinking illegally, in the middle of a field, trying not to think about the fact that Waverly had barely spoken to her since that night, 6 weeks ago.

Shae had listened to her drone on and on about Waverly for hours, eventually whipping out a bottle of vodka and telling Nicole to shut it and get it down her; because it would help. Shae said it would help, but it didn’t. It didn’t stop the sting whenever she thought about Waverly walking away from her. It didn’t stop the ache that arrived every time Nicole remembered how Waverly had only offered a soft smile to her whenever they’d see each other around school. It was the worst pain Nicole had ever felt, it was worse than Waverly not wanting to be with her in the way she so wanted. 

Her best friend, the girl she loves, had become a stranger. 

The vodka doesn’t change that. Neither do Shae’s jokes or efforts to trash talk Waverly in order to make Nicole feel better. It just makes her stomach hurt more, because she doesn't hate Waverly. She really doesn’t, but god, sometimes it would be a hell of a lot easier if she did. 

She stumbles home that night, falling through her front door at midnight, to her mom and dad, waiting anxiously on the sofa. The way they yell at her sounds like white noise, and Nicole’s head pounds. She just wants to go to bed, but her parents keep yelling. They smell the alcohol and they yell more, and suddenly Nicole is crying. It’s not about her parents, or the alcohol, or the fact that her grades are going downhill, and she’s scared to come out. It’s not about the fact that her brothers leaving home soon or that she’s scared she’s never going to get to college.

It’s about Waverly. 

Everything is always about Waverly. Nothing else - without Waverly - even matters. And it scares the crap out of her. She wonders, briefly, how she’s meant to get anywhere in life if her only motivation is a girl who barely even acknowledges her existence anymore. Waverly had sent her one text after that night; telling her that nothing had changed, and they were still Nicole and Waverly; inseparable. They had tried, god knows they tried, but it was awkward and tense, and every conversation felt like they were both skirting around something that neither of them really wanted to discuss. It was like Waverly had tried to pretend their conversation hadn’t happened; she obviously didn’t want to talk about it, and Nicole wanted nothing more than to talk about it. Every interaction felt forced, and after a few weeks, Waverly stopped trying. She stopped trying, as if Nicole just wasn’t worth the fight anymore.

She stopped texting, stopped calling, and stopped even trying to converse with her. There’d be a soft, ‘i’ll see you around?’ every now and then, or maybe a quick, ‘oh, hi nicole.’ But then Waverly would scurry off as if being around Nicole too long might just break her. 

But Waverly not being around, might just break Nicole. 

She tries not to worry, she really does, but she finds herself going out with Shae more, and more. Drinking away her feelings, and trying to pretend that she’s fine. She tells her parents that she’s fine, she tells her teachers that she’s fine, but Waverly’s watching, and she knows Nicole, and she knows she is not fine. 

Her parents clearly don’t think she’s fine, either. She comes home, one night, and they’re searching her room, and she just stands there, in her own doorway waiting for them to notice her. She wants to yell at them, ask them what the fuck they think they’re doing, but she doesn’t. She just stands there, blinking, as they search her room for alcohol, because apparently they think she’s got some kind of problem. 

She does have a problem, but it’s nothing to do with alcohol and a lot to do with Waverly Earp. 

She watches, warily, as her parents keep searching her room, and she visibly tenses the closer they get to her bed. Her mother has noticed her, sighing about how, if Nicole was just a normal kid, they’d be able to trust her more. If she didn’t get caught up on things then they wouldn’t have to search her room. Her heart pounds as she watches her dad get closer and closer to her mattress, and her mother's voice goes over her head like white noise. It’s like she can’t breathe, like the world is in slow motion as her dad lifts up her mattress, just slightly, and pulls out a piece of paper.

A stupid, crumpled up piece of paper that’s been under her mattress since 7th grade. 

A stupid, crumpled piece of paper that’s without a doubt going to ruin her life. 

“Nicole? What is this?” her father holds it out, his gruff voice clearly holding back anger. 

There’s no use in lying, she thinks briefly, as her mom wanders over to take the paper from her dad. The look of disappointment in her mom’s eyes is almost enough to make Nicole cry, right there and then, but she doesn’t. She blinks, and swallows it down, before shrugging.

“Dunno,” she says, airly, “just a stupid list.”

Her dad snatches the paper back, and shoves it in her face, his hand shaking with anger.

“A list? Nicole, what the hell?” he scoffs as he scans it, reading out the contents of the list that really riled him up, “she’s got the most beautiful smile in the whole world? She makes you feel- what?” 

Nicole glances at the number he’s reading, and shrugs.

“Safe,” she mumbles, “it says she makes me feel safe.”

She feels her dad grow visibly angrier, next to her, and avoids eye contact, scuffing her shoe along the edge of her bed. 

“This is- this is disgusting, Nicole. Do you understand that these kind of thoughts, they’re- they’re a sin and as long as you choose to think these kind of things, especially about a girl as nice and sweet as Waverly, you are no daughter of mine. You-”

Her mother grabs his arm to stop him lunging at her, and she shrinks back, tears threatening to spill. She knew this would happen. She should’ve thrown out the damn list the minute she got the chance. 

“Victor, let’s talk about this tomorrow,” her mother soothes, and then her eyes turn to Nicole, shooting daggers, “Nicole, go to bed.”

And she does. She thinks, briefly, about calling Waverly for some reason, and she feels a sharp stabbing in her chest when she realises that Waverly likely wouldn’t answer. Nicole clutches her pillow that night, tears escaping down her cheeks and her heart pounding, her stomach feeling like lead. She tries not to think about what tomorrow will bring, and she tries not to think about the fact that tomorrow, she’ll likely need to find somewhere else to stay for a while, if not forever. Mostly, she tries not to think about the fact that her father still has the list she made for Waverly. She imagines he’s ripped it up, thrown it in the trash with a look of disdain on his face. She knows she should be more upset about that part, that she’ll never get to show Waverly now, because it’s gone, but her heart sinks further when she realises she would never get to show her anyway, because Waverly is a stranger now. Waverly wouldn’t care. But still, a few more tears leak out at the thought that maybe Waverly will never really get to know at all, just how special Nicole thinks she is. 

 

\---------------

When Nicole wakes up the next day, it’s early, and her parents aren’t there. She sits up in bed, straining to hear if they’re talking downstairs or in their bedroom next door, but she hears nothing.

Her heart pounds, and she’s not sure if she’s relieved that they’re not here, or if he more anxious about where they are. Knowing them, they’d likely be trying to find a priest to come and talk to her about how she’s going to hell, and she needs to change her ‘lifestyle’ if she wants to be accepted into the church. 

News flash, she doesn’t care. And besides, Nicole always guessed she’d be off to hell anyway, she had a kingdom to run. 

She’s glad that she doesn’t have to deal with her parents this early, at least, though, and gets herself ready for when they eventually come home with a priest or a minister by their side., trying to get her to pray away the gay. Her parent’s had always believed in God, she knew that much; they had been devoted catholics their whole life, dragging her to church every single sunday, or more if they could manage it. They were the type of people that didn’t even believe in divorce, and Nicole - the minute she realised she was gay - felt the panic rise in her stomach. She knew they’d never be okay with it, and they would never expect their child to be gay, because they thought she’d know better or something. 

Nicole had never believed in God. She’d never believed in anything even remotely spiritual, at least, until she met Waverly. She kind of started believing in angels the minute she met Waverly, but above all, she had started to believe in fate. That some things were just, universally, meant to be. She had hoped, every single night, that her and Waverly were one of those things, but the world kept proving her wrong, every single time. Maybe, they were meant to be, just in a different universe. Or at a different time. 

Or maybe, they just weren’t meant to be at all.

The thought tugs at Nicole’s heart; the idea that no matter how much she might want Waverly, the universe just doesn’t work like that most of the time.

She’s pulled out of her thoughts as her phone rings on her bedside table, and she sighs, dramatically, running a hand through sleep-tossed hair. She’s expecting a call from Shae, or Xavier asking if they had homework, or something, but she feels sick to her stomach when she sees Waverly’s name pop up on her screen.

She hadn’t called or messaged Waverly in months. The heart emoji is still next to her name, and her contact picture makes Nicole’s eyes well up. It’s of Waverly, the day she took her to the beach; the wind has blown her hair in her face, and she’s laughing at something stupid Nicole had said and she can’t help but stare at it for a second, because Waverly really is the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen in her life.

She swipes the answer call button, and holds her breath as Waverly’s voice flowed through the phone, sounds smooth and soft, even through her tinny speakers. 

“Nicole? Hey, sorry, I know this is awkward, but uh- your- your parents are here. I haven’t been downstairs, but I-I was just wondering if everything’s okay?”


	3. young lost sinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly always noticed Nicole’s silences, except this time; she didn’t.
> 
>  
> 
> Or,
> 
>  
> 
> The one where Gus and Curtis are superheroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola babies!!! 
> 
> So, here’s another chapter for you! Be aware, there is another chapter coming! 
> 
> I hope you’re all doing well, and I hope you like this chapter maybe sort of a little bit? 
> 
> it’s short but! we going ✈️ exam period! 
> 
> Anyways, have a good day, be nice humans and remember to #fightforwynonna <3

Nicole’s out of bed and in her car before she even hangs up the phone; shoving a hoodie over her arms awkwardly. She’s panicking, she knows that, and she knows that Waverly, who’s still on the other end of the phone, knows that too. 

“Nicole, it’s probably nothing, I promise. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, y’know? You’ve been really sad,” 

Nicole can’t help but scoff at that, as if the reason she’s sad isn’t completely down to Waverly. Stupid, incredible Waverly who - despite not talking to her for months - feels exactly like home. She feels like, despite her panicking, as long as Waverly is on the other end of the phone, everything will be okay. As long as she can hear her voice, she’s grounded.  
She puts the phone on the dashboard, pressing the loudspeaker button before she starts driving; she may be panicked but she’s not about to break the law.

“No, Waverly, you don’t understand, last night they-”

She’s cut off as she hears rustling on Waverly’s end of the phone, and she thinks Waverly’s Aunt Gus calls her name. There’s more rustling, and it seems as though Waverly hadn't even noticed she had stopped talking; Waverly always used to notice when she stopped talking. She noticed at Chrissy’s 14th birthday party, when they had been playing truth or dare, and all the girls started talking and giggling over boys, after Chrissy confessed to kissing Perry. Waverly had noticed Nicole stop talking and shrink into herself. She had taken her aside, asked her what was going on, and somehow, that’s how Nicole found herself coming out to the most important person in her life. 

Waverly always noticed Nicole’s silences, except this time, she didn’t. 

“Nicole, I- sorry, I have to go. Gus says she wants to talk to me.” 

Nicole is hurt by her bluntness, and she expects her to elaborate. Tell her that she hopes everything works out, or that she’ll see her later, but the only thing she hears is the dial tone as Waverly hangs up, and her heart breaks even further. She fights the urge to slam her hands on the steering wheel in frustration, there may not be many cars on the roads of Purgatory but she’s not going to risk crashing her car, thank you very much. Her mind is still reeling at the thought of what is going on at Waverly’s house right now; why her parents are there, why Gus needed to speak to Waverly, why Waverly was suddenly so blunt. 

Before she even has time to think about it all, she’s basically in the Mccready's driveway. She sees her parents car there, and her breath catches in her throat. She looks at the trunk of the car, and her eyes catch the stupid sticker her parents had stuck on it; I heart my kids.

She remembers when Waverly first saw it. She had giggled, and cooed, and pinched Nicole’s cheek, teasing her jokingly about how much her parents must love her; how they must be so proud of her.

She remembers the day they had come home with the sticker, and she had laughed, with her brother, telling her mom that they would totally, without a doubt, be made fun of for that. Now, she wishes for nothing more than for them to love her again.

She doesn’t even consider knocking when she reaches the front door; she’s been to this house so many times before it had started to feel like a second home to her. Before, of course, Waverly decided she wasn’t worth talking to anymore. She wonders briefly, what she could have done differently, so Waverly wouldn’t hate her. Be less obvious about it all? She hadn’t even been aware that her crush on the short brunette was obvious at all, and her heart aches at the thought that just her being herself was essentially what drove her best friend away.

Nicole sighs, and barges through the Mccready's front door to see her parents, sat across from both Gus and Curtis, Waverly loitering nervously behind them. They all stop their conversation, and stare at her, the sudden silence in the room almost deafening to Nicole’s ears. 

Her parents were holding her list.

Her heart was racing, as she looked at that stupid list clutched in her fathers tight fist.

She could hardly breathe.

Waverly was looking at her with a sense of something in her eyes that Nicole couldn’t quite determine. Shock? Sadness? Something else? Waverly had always been readable to her. She was an open book, someone whose emotions splayed out across her face so widely and so easily that Nicole almost always knew how Waverly was feeling.

Usually, she’d have an ear splitting grin on her face; the kind that could outshine the sun, and make flowers grow in Nicole’s lungs.

Right now, there was nothing. Nothing was blankness written across her face, a look of pure distance. She had never seen Waverly look like that before, not even when Wynonna left, or when she talked about her daddy dying. Waverly looked - Nicole couldn’t bare the thought - almost as broken as Nicole felt right now; but why, she couldn’t quite work it out.

“Nicole, sweetheart-“

Gus starts, but Nicole doesn’t hear her. Her eyes stay on Waverly, before falling on her parents. On the list. 

“What are you doing?” She asks them, her voice shaking, and cracking. She almost can’t breathe as the tension in the room starts to suffocate her.

“We came to warn Waverly about Nicole, about the horrible things she feels for her, just to warn her to stay away from her and-“

She sees Gus sigh, and rub her forehead with her hand out of the corner of her eye, and she wants to run to her. She sees Curtis raise his eyebrows, and shake his head gently. Gus has always been like a second mother to her, and Curtis like a father. She didn’t believe for a second that they felt the same way as her parents did; they couldn’t, they were better than that. 

Then again, Waverly had never told them she liked girls too. Maybe there was a reason. 

Her dad’s voice fades into static again, as Gus speaks up, her voice quietly confident in the palpable tension in the room. 

“Victor, Lisa” she addresses Nicole’s parents, and Nicole almost laughs at how professional she seems, leaning forward across the table, with her hands clasped in front of her.

“Waverly already knew that Nicole likes girls, and frankly, she doesn’t, and nor do we, have any issue with that. Just as it should be.”

Nicole watches her parents faces drop, and she feels a surge of pride at having Gus stand up for her like that.

“You- it’s a sin. Are you not part of the church?” Her mother chokes out, looking between Curtis and Gus. 

“No, we are, I’m not sure what kind of church y’all go to, but at ours; they preach love and acceptance. Nicole is no different just because she likes girls. You should be ashamed of yourself for talking about your own daughter like that.”

Nicole feels tears well up in her eyes as she listens to Curtis talking. Her parents faces drops further and she knows that her father is getting angrier by the minute. She’s almost sure there going to walk out any minute; they’re not usually confrontational people, and she’s just waiting for the minute her father gets too angry, and her mother ushers him out.

“The bible says-“

“To be quite frank, Victor, I don’t give a damn what the bible says. That’s your daughter.”

Her father scoffs, and her mother lets out a soft laugh. 

“That,” her father points at her, stood by the door, “that is no daughter of mine.” Nicole feels tears again, for different reasons this time, and her heart breaks further. 

“Alright, son. Then get out of my house.”

Curtis stands up, and practically shoves Nicole’s parents out of the door, and with a few hissed words between them, he slams the door in their face, and Nicole hears them drive away without so much as a goodbye. 

“Sweetheart, you’re like a daughter to us. We’ll work out the logistics tomorrow, but for the time being, you stay with us, got it?”

Nicole nods, and Gus pulls her into a hug, the smell of cooked bread and sweet pine surrounding her. She breathes in the scent and sighs, but it comes out more like a sob and Gus clutches her harder, arms wound tightly around her. She feels Curtis pat her back gently, never the kind of man to openly show emotion, and she opens her eyes; catching Waverly’s as she stands by the stairs, awkwardly staring. 

Nicole offers her a sad smile over Gus’ shoulder, and Waverly returns it, softly, a tear slipping down her cheek at the thought of what Nicole was going through right now. 

“You go with Waverly, she’ll look after you for now, girl. I’ll shout you when dinner’s ready.”

Gus lets go of Nicole, and she suddenly feels empty, and cold at the thought of having to go with Waverly. Waverly, who hasn’t properly spoken to her in months. Waverly, who says she doesn’t care that Nicole likes girls, but is probably bothered the fact that Nicole likes her. Waverly, who is beautiful and sweet, and Nicole - despite what she tries to say - is so very in love with her. 

With her smile, and her crinkly eyes and her soft skin and everything that makes her, Waverly. 

She shuffles her feet towards Waverly, and she feels her heart racing, as if it’s about to beat straight out of her chest. She thinks it’s so loud that Waverly could probably hear it if she listened hard enough, but she knows Waverly isn’t interested in listening to her anymore. 

“Hi,” she mutters, moving closer to the short brunette.

“Hey,” Waverly stares at her for a moment, a blank expression on her face. There’s an awkward silence for a little while, as Gus and Curtis scamper off to the kitchen to leave them alone. 

“Do you- uh- wanna go upstairs? or you can stay here? I don’t know. Whatever. I’ll just leave you to it.”

Waverly turns, as if to go up the stairs, and Nicole finds herself reaching out. Before she could even think, Nicole finds she’s wrapped her hand around Waverly’s wrist and is pulling her back towards her gently.

“Waverly, stay with me. Please?”

Waverly pauses, her eyes welling up just slightly, and she nods, looking down to avoid eye contact at all costs.

“I- yeah, always.”

She takes Nicole’s hand, and leads her upstairs, a crumpled piece of paper in her hand, and Nicole’s breathes out, the first sigh of relief in months.


	4. theres nothing wrong with you, theres something wrong with the village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I read it,” she states, simply, her tone giving nothing away.
> 
> Nicole whips her head round to face Waverly faster than the speed of light, her stomach clenching. 
> 
> “R-read what?” she whispers, her face turning the same colour as her hair. She knows exactly what Waverly means, but she’s not about to tell her that.
> 
>  
> 
> or, the one where these dumbasses finally fuckin talk!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my babies!
> 
> this chapter is super short, but i just needed to give an end to my hopelessly gay teenagers. i loved this fic a lot and im so glad you guys did too.
> 
> thank u sm for ur kind words, and likes etc ily all and i promise one day i might start that other fic up again :/// but until then, here u go! sorry its been a while! 
> 
> anyways! have a good day, be nice humans and remember to #fightforwynonna <3

It feels wrong being in Waverly’s bedroom after all this time. It doesn’t so much feel like a second home to her anymore, but rather a cold empty shell of what once was.

Everything’s still the same, she notes as she sits on Waverly’s bed, except the pictures of her and Waverly have been replaced, or turned over as if looking at them would just be too painful. Nicole had always meant to do the same with her pictures of her and Waverly, but somehow she never quite got round to it. 

She feels awkward, perched on the end of the bed, trying to take up as little space as possible; Waverly obviously hates her, and she’s already basically moving into her house for god sake. Her fingers find the end of the duvet cover, and Nicole realises it’s the same one that was on the bed the night Nicole realised she was utterly, and hopelessly in love with Waverly. They had been lying on her bed, a little too closely for Nicole to be able to function properly, and she remembers she had made Waverly laugh. A loud, honest to god laugh, and her nose scrunched up, and her eyes crinkled and she’s pretty sure - if her memory stands - Waverly even snorted the tiniest bit. But the moonlight from outside had flooded in through the sheer curtains, and hit Waverly’s face just right, lighting up her features like an angel. Her hair, splayed out across the bed, highlighted and shimmering, and Nicole knew, in that moment, that she never wanted anything but Waverly, laughing beside her for the rest of her life. 

Now, she has Waverly pottering about near her desk, for no reason other than to make herself seem too busy to talk. Nicole notes that Waverly won’t even look at her, or if she does, she looks away the second Nicole turns her head in her direction. She kind of gets it, it’s pretty damn awkward when someone likes you, and you don’t feel the exact same way; she’s been there. But, on the other hand, Waverly likes - liked - her, to some extent; how could she just shut her out like it was nothing? 

Nicole’s too busy thinking, lost in her own head, to notice that Waverly has stopped her chaotic busybody facade, and is standing still, leaned against her desk, eyes trained on Nicole. 

“I read it,” she states, simply, her tone giving nothing away.

Nicole whips her head round to face Waverly faster than the speed of light, her stomach clenching. 

“R-read what?” she whispers, her face turning the same colour as her hair. She knows exactly what Waverly means, but she’s not about to tell her that.

“Your list, Nicole. You’re sweet.” she mumbles, pushing off the desk to sit next to Nicole, a good width of space between them and Nicole feels every inch of it like a knife to her heart. Usually, Waverly can’t get close enough, she would sit in Nicole’s lap if she could, and she knows the distance tugs at Waverly too, from the way she stares at the emptiness between them. 

Nicole shrugs at Waverly’s words, she’s not sure what to say to that. 

“7th grade, huh? You were, what? Thirteen?” Nicole nods, and shuffles away. The distance might ache, but the part of her brain that’s sure Waverly is judging her screams at her to move, just get away before this gets worse, before Waverly ends up acting like her stupid cheerleader friends that shove Nicole into a locker and call her a dyke on the daily. 

“I can’t believe you’ve liked me that long. I was an asshole for most of that time. God, I still am. Why would you-”

“You’re not an asshole,” Nicole interjects, she may feel awkward as hell right now, but she will not and cannot deal with Waverly putting herself down constantly, “your friends are. Your ex is. But you? You’re the nicest person in purgatory.”

Waverly shrugs one shoulder, “I did get a sash,” 

And she laughs, gently, and Nicole’s own laughter follows and for a second, it feels like everything is back to normal again. 

“You did get a sash,” Nicole repeats, drawing in a deep breath as her laughter slows to a soft, sad chuckle, “Waverly, i-”

“I’m sorry,” Waverly starts at the same time, and they both stop, encouraging the other to speak first before Nicole shakes her head, boldly placing her hand on Waverly’s own.

“Waverly, i’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything, I made this so fucking awkward and I never wanted that. You’re- you were - my best friend and I- I can't lose that, Wave. so yes, I think you’re beautiful, and smart and funny, and do I wanna kiss you like all the time? Yeah, but mostly, I just want you in my life, Wave and I-”

She’s cut off as she feels Waverly’s lips on hers. They’re soft, and gentle and they taste like peaches, and Nicole’s brain stops. She feels the fireworks, the butterflies, the big exploding lights behind her eyes; every movie cliche ever, and Nicole feels it all. She knows Waverly is scared, she can feel it in her kiss, how she treats Nicole like she’s a fragile china doll, like one of them is going to pull back at any minute. 

But neither of them do, not for a long minute, and Nicole finds she can’t breathe when they break away from each other. Her lips tingle afterwards, like Waverly’s kiss has been imprinted on her lips permanently. 

“I was a dick, and i’m sorry. I pushed you out, because I was scared. I was so freaking scared, Nicole. I’m still scared, but it hurt so much, not having you with me all the time. I went to text you like a bazillion times and then I just couldn’t. I just froze. Because I care about you, and I want this, but I don’t want to ruin it,”

Nicole nods, resting her forehead against Waverlys, “you could never-”  
“I could. So I’m scared. But you just lost your parents, and now you’re scared too. And i- we could be scared together? If you just, promise to help me figure all of this out? 

Nicole breaks into a smile, the first real smile for a long time, and she lets out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding.

“Okay. Just- just no more shutting me out, got it? You’re scared, or worried or confused, you talk to me. You are so special, Waverly Earp.”

She feels Waverly chuckles, a soft watery, but happy chuckle, and her heart lifts, almost beating straight out of her chest.

“I know, someone wrote me a whole list about it,” she teases, her eyes bright as she leans back, “speaking of, I have something for you.” 

Nicole watches as Waverly reaches to her bedside cabinet, under the stack of latin journals she keeps there, and pulls out a piece of paper. It’s straight and perfect, courtesy of the heavy books, and Waverly’s breath catches as she hands it to Nicole. The writing is small, and neat; but it’s so obviously that of a kid, and Nicole feels a tear slip down her cheek as she looks at it. 

Written - in all glitter gel pen - at the top of the page is: Reasons why Nicole Haught is the most special person in the whole wide world. 

“I wrote it when I was 12. I didn’t understand why I thought your eyes were pretty, or why I wanted to hold your hand. I didn’t understand why your smile gave me butterflies or why I wanted to sleep in your bed, next to you every time we had a sleepover,”

Waverly takes a deep breath, fidgeting with her fingers as she talks.

“I just knew you were special,” she grabs Nicole's hand, winding their fingers together, and something clicks inside her; something that feels an awful lot like coming home.

“And you are, Nicole Rayleigh Haught, despite what your parents say, you’re so special. And if you still want this,” there’s a pause as Waverly looks down, shyly, “want me, then, I'm ready. Because I understand now; I’ve been falling in love you since 7th grade. So, if you’re in?” 

Nicole’s heart has melted, there are tears dripping down her cheeks, as she nods, a blinding grin on her face.

“I’m in, for as long as you want me.”

**Author's Note:**

> btw i have literally not read this through so pls excuse any mistakes!!


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